Crossroads

Have you ever found yourself at a Crossroads? I am sure we all have a time or two in life and it is scary to think that these many moments we encounter can very well shape the path our lives take. Maybe only temporarily or maybe for an even greater period of time...

As many of my friends and family know, I have been preparing for my "new career" for the past year. I have been taking all the necessary tests, calling up and getting my old high school and college records, finding SAT scores from 9 years ago, and getting all my ducks in a row. At the time Joey and I moved to Coweta County (pre pregnancy) I started making calls to the Board of Education to prepare myself for the 2009-2010 school year. I was told at that time that there would be a job fair held in mid to late April 2009 to hire all teachers for the upcoming school year. Well in September when we found out about our little miracle on the way, I still had full intentions of forging ahead with my plans for teaching this August. Joey and I have bounced ideas back and forth and I just thought it would be best for us if I went ahead and started working. Well I was logging on to the Coweta County website first of this past week and guess what I found...a banner advertising the JOB FAIR...which they state is being held in 4 weeks!!!! Wait...back up a second....4 WEEKS!!!!!!!!! I am not prepared for 4 weeks. I immediately start having a panic attack. I thought I had more time to decide about next year, thought I had more time to figure things out and get myself mentally prepared to leave my very very small infant in the hands of someone else....thought I had time to get myself emotionally prepared for this big decision...and then it hit like a ton of bricks...time is out Brittney, you must decide now because this is something I have to register to attend, must make sure my application and all reference letters are turned in, and then I must go and sell myself in hopes of finding a perfect fit.

So you see....I am at a Crossroads. Maybe I have been putting off the inevitable, convincing myself that if this JOB FAIR were indeed in April I would magically have the answer by the time that date arrived. Delusional huh? Or perhaps I thought that Joey's business would get off the ground really good between January and April and I would feel more secure about waiting another year and not starting to teach until August 2010 when my daughter will be 15-16 months old. Maybe I just dont like having this HUGE decision weighing down on me....because teaching is not really like any other job. It's not like I can say..."well I will wait until January when Ella Grace is 7 months and then I will start looking...." nope if I put this off then I will more than likely not find any openings until Fall 2010 when they start hiring for that school year. Now I know there is never constant assurance in any decision we make, but I would like to feel a security blanket thrown over me knowing that if I do decide to stay home for a year with my daughter (as I have done with my son) then I can rest assured that my decision was the right one.

Joey says stop stressing myself out about it...says to wait one more year til I am good and comfortable putting her in a day care and then start teaching then...with a clean conscience and the ability to go to work everyday knowing that my children are safe and happy and well cared for.

For those mothers out there that do not get to stay home with their children but want to, my heart goes out to you. Call me crazy (and some have) but my heart is with my son and I know that I doing better by him then anyone else would be able to. And so what if I have to work until I am 60 to put in my 30 years for retirement all because I stayed home and cared for my kids while they were small. Will there be any regrets then? I highly doubt it. I will never get this time back, Ethan will never be two again, and once it is gone I know it is gone for good.

What a tough choice we mothers are forced to make. I just consider myself so blessed that for me it is even a choice at all!