Hurting....

Everyone, I am quite sure, has dealt with hurt one time or another in their lives. What happens when that hurt is self inflicted? What happens when you take something SO precious....and you mess it up....even though your intentions were never bad?

I want to start by talking about a man I know, a man I love, a man I adore. This man is a good man, an honest man, a friendly man, a caring man. Someone who puts others before himself. This man has at times been dealt rough hands, but he always handles it with the grace that God has given him. He always sees past the clouds to a brighter day.

This past year has been a challenge for me. I have been through a divorce, had a child diagnosed with special needs, dealt with a diva (lol), moved to a brand new city, and above all else found the love of my life. However, through the challenges that life has presented, instead of treasuring this man the way I should have, I became a turtle locked away in my own shell, dealing with my issues myself, and never letting him in to help me. I know on the outside he knew that I loved him, but why did I take for granted that he really "knew" that I loved him?

I pushed this precious man away...until now...he is in a state of confusion wondering whether or not he can love me, trust me, be back together with me. I want nothing more than to make up for the way I have acted....my shortcomings. I want to show him what he truly means to me. I dont want to be scared, vulnerable, or fearful about the future. I dont want to hold back another minute. I want to grab him, love him, hold on and never let go.

Now....if only he would have me?????