Random Thoughts...

Struggles….life is full of them right? I mean on the outside it may appear that everything in your life is rosy…but deep down there are struggles that exist. I think we all go through the valleys and the mountains in our lives and we must somehow find personal strength to hold on when it gets hard.
I myself have been in this valley lately. I can not really go in to explicit detail the exact reason, but it is there and it is not going away. One thing that fuels this “valley” is guilt. Guilt for working full-time and allowing a daycare to raise my children. Guilt for not being able to be there for every little thing because I am dealing with work related issues. Guilt because my job/financial status has forced me to pull my child from weekly therapy (which he needs) in favor of bi-weekly therapy because its more affordable. Guilt because I have yet to be able to start my son in behavioral counseling because my work schedule and the therapist schedule do not blend. Guilt because the child I have worked so hard to train, finally had his first pee pee and poo poo successes at the hands of a daycare instructor. Guilt because my daughter has come home from school on three occasions with bite marks embedded in her little arms from a peer. Need I go on?
I wrote a quote on my mirror the other day…as a small reminder to “start making a life.” We get so caught up in the “things” of this world that we forget what actually matters. Perhaps this is all hitting me now because as of yesterday my mother reminded me that my precious first-born is starting school (prek) in two short weeks. My mind has wanted to stretch it out longer and longer. I think I was convinced that if I said, “oh school starts in 5 weeks” that I might actually be prolonging the inevitable. Either way, Ethan is nicely decked out with his Lightning McQueen book bag which swallows his little back but is darn precious never-the-less and he enjoys carrying it around although I am quite sure he thinks it is merely a toy and nothing more.
I want to take the time to really, truly, enjoy each moment of their childhood. I hope they enjoy being carefree and frivolous because unfortunately it will pass all too soon.
I need to be better about uploading some funny candid shots that have been captured over the summer of my little rugrats. These are the most precious memories I can have.
And as for those struggles…well there is nothing quite like sitting on my back deck with my thoughts…and doing the best I can to let it go. What you can not control, you can not worry about (shout out to Mimi on that one….)
And as for what I can control….well changes are coming. I just mentally gotta reach that finish line….